You know that super annoying friend who you call when you just had a date that went terribly wrong? And you’re all “OMG they didn’t blah blah blah” and she’s like “OMG blah blah blah, let me guess, they’re a Gemini?” And you go, “Uhh . . . how did you know?” and then, all smug and snarky, they blurt out those notorious words: “Uhh, it’s astrology.” Well yeah, that’s us. Hi. We’re Ilana and Brianna, the Millennial/Gen Z power duo, here to give you the only life advice you’ll ever
It’s V important that you understand that for us, loving astrology means blaming the stars for all our quirks and shortcomings. And we think that’s healthy.
The beauty of astrology is that it reveals the magic of individuality. Think about it: the day you were born, the stars aligned in all their glory. And then, at precisely [insert time of birth] something kinda crazy happened—the planets, a.k.a. the universe, sprinkled some cosmic energy on you, and there you were, this all-powerful babe (we picture Lady Gaga), blasted into a world of celestial chaos.
If you’re new, let us be your planetary guides. Astrology is so much more than a horoscope. We don’t want to argue about whether astrology is legit—we know it is! Just like the ancient star-watchers, we enjoy using astrology as a path to self-knowledge and a way to interpret our life experiences. And if you disagree, then that’s cool, you’re probably a Taurus or something. We’ll love you anyway, because astrology embraces all.
So why should you love astrology?
1. Discover Who You Are
: We all love a good psychoanalysis sesh! Do you want to know what makes you tick? Or what turns you on? Astrology’s here, and she’s ready to expose your deep dark DNA.
2. Spill the Tea
: Life is like a box of drama. You never know which catastrophe you’re gonna get. Or do you? The stars know what’s going on behind the scenes and it’s sure to be spicy.
3. Get Some Cosmic Comfort
: When you’re having those “I just wanna PMS in peace” kinda days, astrology is there to validate your questionable choices.
4. Hear Some Truth-Telling
: Astrology is honest and blunt, like your neurotic Virgo friend who always gives it to you straight.
5. And the best part--Relationships!
What’s more fascinating than figuring out your astrological compatibility? Nothing. The answer is nothing. Sharing your zodiac sign on your dating profile can provide a potential paramour with a small look into who you are and what it might be like to get to know you.
So don’t sleep on the “irrelevant” pages that don’t mention your sign (shoutout to Leo). You can pretty much identify yourself or someone you know on every page in this book. Is your sister like the mischievous Scorpio in Chapter 1? Is your BF that emotionally unavailable Aquarius in Chapter 4? Are YOU that cry baby Capricorn who secretly identifies as a Cancer?
You know when they say, “You’re not like other girls.” Well, we’re not like other astrology books. And that’s not just a line. This beautiful piece of literature is your personal guide to friendships, relationships, situationships, familyships . . . basically all the ships. We’ll explore each and every sign in their natural and not-so-natural habitats. From first dates to heartbreaks, we’re here to analyze you and dish out some much-needed tough love. Relationships are hard work, and let’s face it, everyone needs some cosmic intervention. Whether you’re an astro-genius or just astro-curious, there’s absolutely something for you here. Welcome to Astroland.
Ilana + Brianna
Copyright © 2022 by Harkavy, Ilana. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.