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Networking for People Who Hate Networking, Second Edition

A Field Guide for Introverts, the Overwhelmed, and the Underconnected

Author Devora Zack

Paperback

$21.95 US

Berrett-Koehler | Berrett-Koehler Publishers

6.02"W x 9"H x 0.58"D | 9 oz | 52 per carton

On sale May 21, 2019 | 208 Pages | 978-1-5230-9853-8

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Health & Wellness > Self-Help > General
Non-fiction > Business

Would you rather get a root canal than schmooze with a bunch of strangers? Does the phrase “working a room” make you want to retreat to yours? Is small talk a big problem? Devora Zack used to be just like you—in fact, she still is. But she’s also a successful consultant who addresses thousands of people each year, and she didn’t change her personality to do it. Quite the contrary.

Zack politely examines and then smashes to tiny fragments the “dusty old rules” of standard networking advice. You don’t have to become a backslapping extrovert or even learn how to fake it. Incredible as it seems, the very traits that make you hate networking can be harnessed to forge an approach even more effective than traditional techniques. It’s a different kind of networking—and it works.

Networking enables you to accomplish the goals that are most important to you. But you can’t adopt a style that isn’t true to who you are. “I have never met a person who did not benefit tremendously from learning how to network—on his or her own terms,” Zack writes. “You do not succeed by denying your natural temperament; you succeed by working with your strengths.”

“I hate ‘networking’ and I loved this book! Devora Zack knows networking, and her mission to make it easy and fun for you comes through on every page.”
—David Bach, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Automatic Millionaire and The Latte Factor

“Are you an introvert who cringes at the thought of small talk, an extrovert like me who has never met a stranger, or somewhere in between? Wherever you are on the spectrum, reading Networking for People Who Hate Networking should be on your to-do list! This is a delightful assortment of stories, tips, and techniques to help you develop the connections you need to succeed—and learn more about yourself in the process.”
—Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The New One Minute Manager® and Leading at a Higher Level

“Devora expertly weaves insightful wisdom with a sparkle of wit to address the jungle of business networking. I’ve successfully applied many of her innovative strategies!”
—Hon. Walter McLean, former Secretary of State of Canada

“You are going to love reading this book! Devora Zack connects with the reader like no other business author I have ever read.”
—P. J. Kuyper, President, Motion Picture Licensing Corporation

“Devora understands the potential of the introverted networker. Her techniques will show you that what others may perceive as a weakness is actually your greatest strength.”
—Brian Tracy, author of Eat That Frog!

“I highly recommend this lighthearted, eminently practical book by a type-A introvert. (No, that’s not a typo!) It’s like having a trusted friend there at each step of the way as you become a world-class networker.”
—Jeff Martin, former Vice President, Human Resources, AOL

“Only buy this book if you want to improve your career, social, and family lives. If that doesn’t sound like you, Justin Bieber’s autobiography is two shelves over.”
—Amy Lemon, Program Manager, Office of Fellowships and Internships, Smithsonian

“No, you don’t have to run around collecting business cards from every single person at every single meeting. Devora Zack proves you can make lots of new connections that help you professionally and personally while being true to who you are.”
—Jeffery Weirens, National Managing Principal, Energy, Resources, and Industrials, Deloitte Consulting, LLP

“In the digital age, it’s all too easy to ignore the real-world interactions that forge lasting relationships. We need Devora’s wit and wisdom now more than ever to navigate networking in the 21st century.”
—David Meisegeier, Vice President and Senior Technical Director, ICF

“Devora Zack returns with a much-craved update to her essential networking guide. Love the new tech and new workplace context refits! Just proves everything changes except human behavior! Highly recommended!”
—Dave Summers, Director, Digital Media Production, American Management Association

“A tangible, practical guide to a daunting topic. Zack takes the reader by the hand and with a combination of humor and business savvy navigates effortlessly through the world of networking.”
—Howard Wiener, Principal, KPMG, LLP

Devora Zack, president of Only Connect Consulting, Inc., provides expert consulting, coaching, and facilitation to more than 100 clients, including the U.S. Department of Education, Cornell University, Smithsonian Institution, and SAIC.

Devora Zack View titles by Devora Zack

welcome to your field guide

Trust yourself. Then you will know how to live.

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

People swear up and down that I’m an extrovert.

This drives me nuts! I deny these accusations adamantly and then am subjected to a laundry list of supposed examples as to why I am mistaken. “But you give seminars for a living! You give presentations to huge groups and seem to love it! Plus, you know how to work a room …”

Blah, blah, blah.

These people have no idea what it really means to be an introvert. Plus, they assume that being an introvert by definition implies that one cannot be a strong speaker or networker.

Together, we will dispute, disprove, and knock upside the head these assumptions.

Welcome to your indispensible networking field guide for introverts, the overwhelmed, and the underconnected.

Your Author and Tour Guide

As we embark through the uncharted terrain of networking for people who hate networking, you want to be certain you are in capable hands. Why am I qualified to lead you on this journey?

First of all, despite protests from well-intentioned, ill-advised naysayers, I am an off-the-chart introvert. I am also nearly always overwhelmed and decidedly underconnected. My idea of a good time is being all alone. I have conversations with people in my head that I think actually took place. I need time to process ideas thoroughly before responding—or I get myself into trouble. The idea of a free-floating happy hour propels me into free-floating anxiety. A cacophony of external stimuli doesn’t excite me; it drives me away. I easily and naturally pick up on nonverbal cues many others miss. I prefer a few deep relationships to a large group of friends.

None of these preferences is linked to my exceptionally high energy level, propensity for public speaking, or business success. That’s because these attributes are not related to what defines introversion, a topic I have researched and taught about extensively for over fifteen years.

I am Type A, and I move fast. These traits are also not related to introversion.

Let’s have some fun. I will present examples of attributes that, to the untrained eye, may seem extrovert-centric, but with a bit of analysis emerge as introvert-friendly.

My favorite sport is running.

Even some “experts” claim that introverts are for some reason slower and less active than extroverts. This is baloney. Think about running—a fundamentally solitary sport that requires a singular focus for extended periods. The runner can think without interruption for the whole length of the run. What a perfect fit for an introvert!

I give two to three presentations weekly.

Whoa! This statistic combats most introvert stereotypes head on. Although I am a private person, I make a point of telling clients I am an introvert (on behalf of introverts everywhere). Introverts are entirely capable of being skilled public speakers. In fact, introverts prefer clearly defined roles and so may be more comfortable leading a discussion than participating in one. Many introverts are more at ease in front of a group than roaming aimlessly through a cocktail party.

I love networking.

Herein lies the book’s focus. This was not always the case for me. I discovered some wonderful techniques that turned the world of networking upside down—or shall I say right side up? You, too, can gain insights that allow you to excel at and enjoy networking. You can be a networking superstar.

Seem impossible? I am here to tell you it is not.

A Brief History of the Introvert

Many readers of this book are introverts. Many have been taught through cultural cues that introversion is a problem, a deficit, something unfortunate to hide or overcome.

From a young age, introverts receive the message that it is an extrovert’s world. Go play with others. Join in on the game. Class participation is part of your grade. Kids who withdraw around crowds are labeled as anti-social rather than applauded for being self-regulating.

Introversion is innate, and preferences are observable early on. As a kid, I asked for games to play by myself—a request that could prompt some parents to conduct a thorough psychological examination. As a parent now myself, I recognized clear traits indicating an introverted preference in one of my sons from the age of three.

THE BIG THREE

Introverts are reflective, focused, and self-reliant. These characteristics lead to the following key distinctions between introverts and extroverts:

Why not indulge yourself and use all three characteristics at once? Take some time to ponder these traits (reflective), in depth (focus), while alone (self-reliant). I’ll wait here.

Regardless of temperament, by linking your strengths to customized techniques, you will be well-positioned to network away. Introverts, extroverts, and centroverts (definition ahead!) can all benefit from this field guide.

Did I mention that I am psychic? I sense you are curious where you land in all this. Right this way …