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If..., Volume 3

(Questions for the Game of Love)

Part of If Series

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Suggests discussion questions on sex, love, and relationships, all phrased in the form, "If you could, or had to, or were something, what would you do, or say, or choose?"
Evelyn McFarlane was born in Brooklyn and grew up in San Diego. She received a degree in architecture from Cornell University and has worked in New York and Boston as an architect. She now lives in Florence, Italy. In addition to writing, she lectures on architecture for the Elderhostel programs and paints. View titles by Evelyn McFarlane
James Saywell was born in Canada and lived in Asia as a child. Besides questions, he designs buildings and furniture. He divides his time between the United States, Italy, and Hong Kong. View titles by James Saywell
If3. . .
 
Love. Romance. Sex.
 
From the imaginative lover to the imaginary one, our imaginations play central role in our love lives. Pity the person who believes there exists no connection between the heart and the imagination, or pity their lover, anyway. From the first time we begin to discover there’s a thing called love—tumultuous, chaotic, confusing, frightfully powerful, and stunningly joyous—we begin to imagine what might be if ...
 
And as long as we are able to love (in other words, as long as we are alive), our imaginations help us through it, fill in the gaps, make us hopeful, steel our nerves, augment our romantic ideas, protect our humility, guide our actions, and help keep things interesting. Would we dare enter into love otherwise?
 
Yet as wonderful and wrenching as romantic love can be, it remains startlingly incomprehensible, and the mysteries of our own hearts tantalize us. Can we know more? Are we meant to? Ask yourself some of these questions, and ask those you love, or would like to. Where will they take you? What will they reveal? Do you have the courage to answer? Be prepared for anything.
 
And always, always, treasure the game of love.
 
We would like to add that some of the following questions are rather direct, and personal, and not everyone will choose to ponder them, but in no case do we intend offense.
 
If you were to complete the phrase "A life without love ... ," how would you finish it?
 
If you had to have sex simultaneously with two people you know, who would you want them to be?
 
If you could have anyone in the world say one romantic thing to you, what would it be, and who would utter it?
 
If you could make love one more time with someone from your past, who would you choose?
 
If you had to watch your lover or spouse have sex with someone else, but could determine who it would be, who would you choose?
 
If you could personally undress anyone you know that you have never seen naked, who would you disrobe?
 
If you could kiss—but only kiss—one person you know anytime you wanted, who would it be?
 
If you had to name the most sensual part of your own body, what would you pick?
 
If you wanted to nonverbally signal to your lover in public that you wanted to make love, how would you do it?
 
If you could have a sensuous massage every day from someone famous, who would you choose?
 
If you could grab the buttocks of someone famous, whose would you grab?
 
If you wanted to turn your lover on as quickly as possible, what means would you use?
 
If you had to repeat the sexiest words anyone has ever said to you, what would they be?
 
If you were to identify the biggest turn-off in sex, what would you say it was?
 
If you went back in time to have sex with someone from your high school that you didn’t have sex with then, who would you pick?
 
If from now on you could only have sex at a certain time of the day, when would it be?
 
If you were to have oral sex with someone famous right now, who would it be?
 
If you could receive a sexual proposition from any one person, who would it be, and how would you want them to do it?
 
If you were to name the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone else, what would it be?
 
If you were to define "kinky," how would you do it?
 
If you had to select the sexiest word in the English language, what would you say it is?
 
If you had to involve (directly) one type of food in your next sexual act, what would it be?

About

Suggests discussion questions on sex, love, and relationships, all phrased in the form, "If you could, or had to, or were something, what would you do, or say, or choose?"

Author

Evelyn McFarlane was born in Brooklyn and grew up in San Diego. She received a degree in architecture from Cornell University and has worked in New York and Boston as an architect. She now lives in Florence, Italy. In addition to writing, she lectures on architecture for the Elderhostel programs and paints. View titles by Evelyn McFarlane
James Saywell was born in Canada and lived in Asia as a child. Besides questions, he designs buildings and furniture. He divides his time between the United States, Italy, and Hong Kong. View titles by James Saywell

Excerpt

If3. . .
 
Love. Romance. Sex.
 
From the imaginative lover to the imaginary one, our imaginations play central role in our love lives. Pity the person who believes there exists no connection between the heart and the imagination, or pity their lover, anyway. From the first time we begin to discover there’s a thing called love—tumultuous, chaotic, confusing, frightfully powerful, and stunningly joyous—we begin to imagine what might be if ...
 
And as long as we are able to love (in other words, as long as we are alive), our imaginations help us through it, fill in the gaps, make us hopeful, steel our nerves, augment our romantic ideas, protect our humility, guide our actions, and help keep things interesting. Would we dare enter into love otherwise?
 
Yet as wonderful and wrenching as romantic love can be, it remains startlingly incomprehensible, and the mysteries of our own hearts tantalize us. Can we know more? Are we meant to? Ask yourself some of these questions, and ask those you love, or would like to. Where will they take you? What will they reveal? Do you have the courage to answer? Be prepared for anything.
 
And always, always, treasure the game of love.
 
We would like to add that some of the following questions are rather direct, and personal, and not everyone will choose to ponder them, but in no case do we intend offense.
 
If you were to complete the phrase "A life without love ... ," how would you finish it?
 
If you had to have sex simultaneously with two people you know, who would you want them to be?
 
If you could have anyone in the world say one romantic thing to you, what would it be, and who would utter it?
 
If you could make love one more time with someone from your past, who would you choose?
 
If you had to watch your lover or spouse have sex with someone else, but could determine who it would be, who would you choose?
 
If you could personally undress anyone you know that you have never seen naked, who would you disrobe?
 
If you could kiss—but only kiss—one person you know anytime you wanted, who would it be?
 
If you had to name the most sensual part of your own body, what would you pick?
 
If you wanted to nonverbally signal to your lover in public that you wanted to make love, how would you do it?
 
If you could have a sensuous massage every day from someone famous, who would you choose?
 
If you could grab the buttocks of someone famous, whose would you grab?
 
If you wanted to turn your lover on as quickly as possible, what means would you use?
 
If you had to repeat the sexiest words anyone has ever said to you, what would they be?
 
If you were to identify the biggest turn-off in sex, what would you say it was?
 
If you went back in time to have sex with someone from your high school that you didn’t have sex with then, who would you pick?
 
If from now on you could only have sex at a certain time of the day, when would it be?
 
If you were to have oral sex with someone famous right now, who would it be?
 
If you could receive a sexual proposition from any one person, who would it be, and how would you want them to do it?
 
If you were to name the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone else, what would it be?
 
If you were to define "kinky," how would you do it?
 
If you had to select the sexiest word in the English language, what would you say it is?
 
If you had to involve (directly) one type of food in your next sexual act, what would it be?