Before You BeginHi, friend!
My name is Bailey, and I’m so glad you picked up this book. You may be thinking,
Glad? That’s not how I feel about needing a book on how to be a friend. Believe me, I get it. I understand it’s difficult at any stage of life to feel as if you have reached a limit on how you can grow as a friend.
Friendship can be like an untended garden, with a mess of tangled weeds and exposed roots creating obstacles on the path to the areas that are blooming. In an effort to rival the perfect gardens everyone else seems to have, you might be tempted to haphazardly scatter seeds of friendship all over the place in the hopes that
something will sprout. The problem is that not all soils are created equally, and some won’t be equipped to enable a relationship to fully thrive. So how should we approach our friendships? Well, as a type-A, have-a-plan kind of girl, I have some ideas, and I’m inviting you into my process of navigating the complexities of adult friendship and sowing the seeds of God’s Word into our interactions to cultivate a lifetime of care for our friends.
Before we go any further, though, I want to say that you are not the first person who has ever wondered,
What am I doing with my friendships? You are also not the first to wish for deeper or more friendships. Nor are you the first to feel alone or left out. Many of us might say we left behind the need to be popular in middle school, but I think most of us still want to be someone’s favorite friend. Friendship is a universal need, but it is also a universal struggle. We know friendship is integral for a healthy life, but figuring out how to excel in it or even do it right can feel like another goal that hasn’t quite made it to reality. Social media adds another layer of frustration, since it allows us to see the picture-perfect relationships other people have without any of the problems. All these internal insecurities and external pressures can create a seemingly impossible standard in regard to contentment and the way we thrive in our friendships.
As someone who has built my ministry around cultivating and nurturing friendships (and who has walked in these trenches myself), I understand the struggle all too well. I’ll never forget the time I spoke at a small church in Longmont, Colorado, and received this question from a woman during the Q and A:
I want all this friendship stuff you are talking about, but how do I know how to make the first step, especially when I’m navigating multiple friendships in different stages? Maybe you’ve wondered the same thing or something similar. Or maybe you’re just desperate for any type of friendship at all, and picking up this devotional was a last resort. Regardless of how you’re coming to this book, let me squeeze your hand and reassure you that no one has discovered the secret to doing friendship perfectly. But let me also tell you that cultivating solid and intentional friendships is a skill that can be practiced and honed. Over the next forty days, we’ll explore several practical ways to do just that.
How to Use This Devotional As the woman in Longmont realized, no two friendships are the same, and we may have as many as a dozen friendships at one time that are all in different stages. You might have a new acquaintance you’re hoping to grow closer to, a casual friend at work you would like to invite into your social circle outside work, and a high school friend you love but who lives far away. Just as each of these relationships is unique, the needs and values in each one are also unique.
Think of it like this: In a garden, some plants are more mature than others. Some need pruning to bring them back to life. Bulbs need to be planted. Seeds won’t even show signs of green for months to come.
In a similar way, we may have mature friendships that are healthy and steadily growing, friendships that require cutting back or pruning, and friendships that will take special care and months of attention and work in the hope that they will sprout. In a single morning, we might find ourselves experiencing the joy of a quality conversation with one friend while also questioning another friend’s lack of response to a text message. We might desire greater depth in one friendship and more boundaries in another. Thankfully, God meets us in the complexity and variety of our friendships. He knows we are not two-dimensional characters who can find a simple solution to every friend hiccup at the end of each day. Instead, He gives us His Word, encouragement, grace, and very specific wisdom to guide us as we do the meaningful— and sometimes lonely—ministry of friendship.
Using the garden metaphor, this devotional is split into four sections that reflect different stages of a plant’s growth. Each section has devotions, reflection questions, and unique prayers.
The Planting section provides inspiration for the heavylifting season of making new friends. These devotions will spur you on through the weariness, frustrations, or doubts you might experience at the beginning of new friendships.
The Tending section offers encouragement and practical advice for moving new friendships into greater depths and turning them into lasting relationships.
The Pruning section offers advice for the difficult moments of insecurity, conflict, or disappointment. Some friendships might even need to end, and when that happens, we need God’s truth to cover the hurt and sense of loss we might feel. If you find yourself encountering a hard season in your friendships, this section will help you prune and maybe remove any wilted relationships that are hindering growth or wellness.
The Blooming section, meant for friendship celebrations, allows you to pause and recognize the friendship “gifts” God has given you. The prayers and prompts in this section will guide your heart toward a season of gratitude and contentedness for the friends already in your life.
Depending on where you are in your friendships, you might want to skip around the devotional and zero in on the sections that offer the best advice for what you need right now. Or you can read through the devotional from beginning to end. Along the way, you will find practical “friendspiration” tips and friend date ideas to help you foster deeper connections. Implement these as you go or flip to the ones that sound particularly curated for your friend group. Overall, I hope that the devotions and the fun extras spark personal growth and meaningful moments with current and future gal pals!
Blessing Whether you’re a recent graduate hoping to form the types of friendships you had in college, a newly remote employee wondering how you’re supposed to meet people while working from home, or a single mom juggling work and daycare while longing to have an adult conversation for once, your friendship challenges will be unique to you, and my prayer is that this devotional leads to growth not only in your varied seasons of friendship but also in your relationship with the Lord, your first and truest Friend.
Copyright © 2026 by Bailey T. Hurley. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
