Leaving the Ocean Was a Mistake

Introduction

Hey! No—over here in the water. It’s us, the friendly creatures of the sea. You’ve sent us so many messages over the years, although we’re not sure we understand the really oily ones. We think they might be cries for help? So we’ve been putting our heads, front segments, decentralized neurons, etc., together, and now we have a message for you.

Just to recap: For some reason, a little while ago, a few of you decided to leave your perfectly good ocean habitat and go do land stuff. You started walking, talking, and inventing commerce, and the rest is apparently something called history.

Of course we respect your choice! We’re just a little concerned, that’s all. Most of what we hear (and smell and absorb) from your realm is pretty gnarly. (What are “student loans”???) Meanwhile, we’ve also been evolving up a storm, and not to brag, but we’re pretty sure we did it right. So we wanted you to know that if you’re ever inspired to sink back into the sea’s watery depths, we’re here to welcome you with open tentacles and gaping mouths.

But if you insist on sticking to the land, maybe we can give you a little advice? It’s never too late to change how you do things, even if you have legs now.