The Tired Dad.

Introduction

Becoming a Tired Dad

I’m not afraid to admit it: I’m a tired dad. When I was younger, saying “I’m tired” meant that I was done. I was over it. But if I thought I was tired as a kid, I had no idea how much more worn down I’d feel as a dad. I have two children who are eight and five as I write this, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my parenting journey so far, it’s that small children rob you of the very thing you need for brain function and overall well-being: sleep. During the day, parents are working hard on their career, relationships, childcare, household maintenance, health, and personal growth. At night, they juggle homework, bedtime, and the hope of finally getting some uninterrupted sleep.

Who can blame a dad for often feeling “over it”? Over the constant fighting between kids. Over feeling unappreciated. Over getting minimal sleep. But what if a tired dad has another meaning? What if it could be a positive thing to be tired?

A few years back, I started posting videos online under the handle The Tired Dad. What I’d hear from so many dads—and moms—out there is that they were tired. The videos made them feel seen in the daily challenge of being a parent. I made a sweatshirt with those two simple words printed in bold, white Helvetica font, tired dad., and just about every time I wore it, people would stop me.

One time, an older man at the gym glanced at my sweatshirt, looked away, and then muttered, “I would’ve never worn something like that.” I wasn’t sure what he meant until he added, “They grow up too quick to be tired.” I didn’t respond, and, looking back, maybe I should have. Not to defend myself or the sweatshirt, but because he was clearly a tired dad, too, and maybe he didn’t even realize it. He probably would have been surprised by what he could have learned if he’d looked beyond his own interpretations.

Another time, at a restaurant, a woman saw my sweatshirt and without hesitation said, “If you’re doing it right.” That simple phrase deserved a response that matched the depth of what I felt, but in the moment I only managed a quick “Absolutely.” I wanted to know her story. How many kids had she raised? What struggles had she endured? What wisdom could she share? Of course, a passing comment in a restaurant isn’t the time for a three-hour interview, but her words stuck with me. A quiet acknowledgment of our shared experience, the hard, beautiful work of parenting.

This book is the conversations I wish I could have had in those encounters. It’s an invitation to think, reflect, and connect about the experience of being a parent. I promise you this: It’s not a “how-to” book or a manual, and I’m no parenting expert. These are my reflections on fatherhood, the insights I’ve gained, and the ways I am challenging myself to grow alongside my children.

I’m a dad, so this book is written from a dad’s perspective. Tired moms, you are absolutely welcome here. There’s plenty to relate to; we’re all in it together. But because of my perspective, I’ll be speaking mostly to the dads. What’s more, we need it. Dads are often silent strugglers. We try to figure things out alone. Which often leads to us feeling crazy and isolated. That ends here.

I’m leaving everything on the table. If you follow me online, you know that my goal is to show my authentic experience of fatherhood, with all its triumphs and failures, and that goal is the same here. My hope is that these reflections feel like an arm around your shoulder, offering encouragement, reassurance, and the reminder that you are not alone. You’re not crazy. You’re doing a good job.

These short essays are meant to be read however you need them. There are no rules. They are short, because if you’re a tired dad like me, you don’t have much time. You can read them in order, out of order, once, twice, or ten times. Daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly. I’ve included a question or suggestion at the end of each chapter that you can take or leave as you need that day. This book can sit wherever you keep the things that matter to you. Pick it up when you need it most. And when you’re done, pass it on to another tired dad. That’s the ultimate goal.

It’s time to flip the script on being a tired dad. We are tired because we’re doing it right. We’re tired from parenting, not of parenting. We’re tired from our most important role. We wear many hats in life, but Dad is the one where tiredness becomes a badge of honor. It’s no longer a negative weight but a sign that we’re showing up—for our children, our partners, our families, and ourselves.

Some days, we’re not the happiest we’ve ever been, but we keep showing up. No matter what.

So, welcome. I invite you to enter the reflections of a tired dad.